And then we wait...

It's funny how quickly time can get away from you.

Where to start...

Living back at home is actually better then I thought it would be. Go figure! Everything is very simple. Matt has fallen back into the working fulltime thing very comfortably. He enjoys it and that is fantastic. He has really been "rocking out" at his job as well. He was told recently that he should expect a promotion before the new year!

As for me... things are as complicated as ever. I actually took a job as a Research Assistant at the Atlanta Center for Medical Research. I negotiated my salary and all. After working there about four hours I could tell that I had made yet another huge mistake. This job was not at all what I had expected... and to take it I had compromised my biggest deal breaker of them all -- it had a horrible commute. Needless to say I decided that I needed to quit that job while I still had the financial ability to do so an start being more selective about what I interview for etc. So the job search continues.

The good: I have not regretted dropping out of grad school for even a second. As bored as I am... and as much as getting a job scares me more than you can know... I have never gone there.

The better: Matt asked me to marry him on October 16th! I'll attach a photo of my fabulous ring. So you can expect a wedding planning blog to follow some time in the near future. <3 Matt

Leaving Athens

Last week was pretty eventful -- all things considered. I had my first job interview on Tuesday. It went ok. Not great, not bad. I don't really expect anything to come from it mainly because of the sheer quantity of people that they are interviewing. I had to buy the required "interviewing gear" (suit, heals, etc) so that was interesting.

The interview was in Atlanta. As I was driving over there I realized that every interview I went to would cost me $30 in gas. That's pretty steep. With this realization I really began to think about the physical costs associated with staying in Athens. Until we get someone to sublet the apartment we are obligated to continue paying rent. If we move, though, we will have zero utility costs. That's about $300 a month. Also, Matt will not have to commute between here and Atlanta saving a TON in gas. And finally, Matt will return to work full-time which will bring in additional income. As I'm sure you can see we are talking about hundreds of dollars every month.

When we move back... it will be into my mom's house. This doesn't SOUND appealing but it's honestly not that bad. We will have almost the entire second floor. One bedroom will be used as a living room. Compared to our current apartment... we will have essentially the same amount of room. The only real difference is that the kitchen will obviously be shared. Living rent-free has a LOT of obvious perks. Once I get a job... Matt and I will be able to save a LOT of money every month.

That is my thought anyway.... it's a good thing I have such awesome parents.

Anyway, so we decided to go ahead and move out this Thursday. I have a lot of packing to do which, as you can tell, I am presently avoiding.

The worst thing about moving back? Leaving Jenny in Athens. She is my best friend... and I'm REALLY going to miss her. I think she will come back after her lease is up, though.

Anyway... lots of changes. More to follow.

Follow Your Heart.... Eventually

About a year ago I had finally decided what graduate degree I wanted to pursue. Deciding on an MSW (master of social work) was more a matter of process of elimination then anything else. I didn't want to jump right into a PhD. Until I truly developed a passion for something I decided that that was just a bit out of my reach. I'm glad I was able to have enough foresight for that. Choosing to pursue a master's degree instead of a PhD narrowed down my options considerably.

In August of 2010 I volunteered at a camp for chronically ill children. These children came with their families from all over the eastern half of the United States for a "worry-free" weekend. I was able to spend time with these people. I loved listening to their stories. Because of this experience I began to pursue ways in which I could develop a career around working with the families of chronically and terminally ill patients. Cue social work...

When people hear "social work" they immediately jump to an image of someone pulling abused children out of crack houses. While this is accurate, it is very limiting in terms of the vastness that is social work. Social workers are everywhere. The only thing guaranteed about social work is that you will never make "good money".

I never cared about the money. When I discovered social work as an option I was just relieved to have found something viable that I could sink my teeth into. Here was a career path where a PhD wasn't necessary. A degree that several universities in Georgia had. And a program that had reasonable admissions requirements that I was hopeful I would be able to meet. Jack pot.

To say I didn't reflect and seriously consider "is this what I want to do with my life" would be a lie. I did. I thought about it a lot. And I was sure that I could be happy going down this path. The problem was, and I obviously didn't know this at the time, that I didn't consider the possibility that I wouldn't have the motivation to get through the difficulty of the graduate school program.

So when I attended my first class on August 15th... I was shocked to realize I did NOT want to do this. Not at all. Yes, I would like to work in this field. No, I did not want to bad enough to go through the pain and suffering that would definitely accompany the years of graduate school that I had ahead of me. This realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I was shocked. A day later (August 16th) while I was still attending my classes I realized that I had already decided that I was going to drop out. I felt like a person attending classes that were someone else's and that did not apply to me. I think that says a lot.

So as someone who has never, ever allowed my heart to make any serious decisions about things like this... I dropped out of graduate school while my brain screamed "logical" objections in my head.

Job Title: < insert undergraduate major here >

I attended Kennesaw State University for my bachelor's degree. It's a school that is growing quickly and is located just north of Atlanta. One of the required classes for a psychology major is "Careers in Psychology" which is essentially an overview of what you can do with the degree. As you may recall, I mentioned that I had decided to go to graduate school long, long ago as a child. This course did nothing but drive that point home. The overall message? If you don't plan to go to graduate school... don't be a psychology major. This structure was fine with me at the time. But as I look back it frustrates me how limiting this could be to people who were on the fence or were not planning on going to graduate school.

Not only were we taught that you had to go to graduate school to do anything in psychology but also the exact steps that we should (and, more accurately, should already have) take(n). First and foremost, if you are not ALREADY working with a professor on his/her research... you will fail. Now this dramatic statement was a trademark of the professor I took the course with but was not universal in the department. But I digress... I left the course completely freaked out and almost changed my major.

It wasn't for another year and a half that I actually began taking the "necessary" steps to extracurriculars that would be absolutely essential in the "getting into grad school" part of it. I do not mean to sound like I don't think these things are important. Quite the opposite really. As a once skeptic, I am now 100% on the bandwagon of the "get involved! get involved!" folks. I LOVED every second of everything I got myself involved in. My extracurriculars are the crowning jewel of my education. They are not just place holders on my curriculum vita but they actually shaped me into a much more confident and capable person. They actually MADE me happy. Oh... and not to torture the point... they made me love the college experience and want to help others love it too.

Here is a little overview of some of the things I did. I participated in five directed studies. I presented three projects at the Southeastern Psychological Association's annual conference (and attended this conference twice). I presented two projects at the Association for Psychological Science's annual conference. I spent a semester in a research practicum with the Atlanta Executive Network. I participated in the semester-long Women's Leadership Experience. I worked with one other student to found a branch of the American Association of University Women at KSU. I spent one year as the president of that organization. I also spent a year and a half on the executive board of the Psychology Club serving as both reporter and treasurer. I attended the National Conference for College Women Student Leaders in Washington DC. I volunteered at Devereux, a local residential psychiatric treatment facility....

Through all of these experiences I developed very close relationships with two of my professors. Now that I have graduated, I can truly say that I consider them friends. They helped me so much and in so many ways. While all of these extracurriculars look fantastic to admissions committees for graduate schools, I think that the amount of growth that a person experiences when participating in these kinds of things is what is truly important.

I think it's great that the KSU Psychology Department does such a fantastic job preparing it's students for graduate school. However, I think that it may be taken too far in some cases. From my personal experience, I felt that there was a strict list of "rights and wrongs" when it came to what I should be doing. I was so stuck on a path that I both created for myself and was pushed into that I didn't allow myself the opportunity to step back and really "feel". It's very difficult to explain. The only thing that could have ever changed my mind about going to grad school was going, hating it, and realizing that everything will be ok in the end.

Why Blogging?

Sitting here (at work) thinking about my life brings up an unbelievable plethora of emotions. Why? Because exactly a week ago I mentally made one of the most life-changing decisions I have encountered to date. What was it? To drop out of graduate school. I use the term "mentally" because as far as I knew the decision hadn't been made yet. It was literally day one of classes and I was going through a state-of-the-art, bonafide freak-out.

Back up seven months. Looking through the mail, like I did every day, I noticed that I had a letter addressed to me from the University of Georgia. Having only applied to the Master of Social Work program barely a month earlier I was sure that this couldn't be a decision letter. Regardless, I curiously ripped it open and was unexpectedly surprised to read the words on the page. Like all college acceptances it began with "Congratulations!" and went on to flatter the reader for their many accomplishments. When I had applied to the University of Georgia it was with some fairly serious reservations. It was a decent distance (1.5 hours) away from home whereas the other programs I had applied to were within commuting distance. It was also the most competitive program by far and I was not exactly a shoe-in with my 3.3 GPA and 1100 on the GRE (hey... I didn't study). I guess the hours and hours of extracurriculars I participated in were paying off. Despite my humbled surprise, I still wasn't sure that I would attend UGA.

It wasn't until April that I made the decision. Damn the little man on my shoulder cautioning me about the negatives of going to UGA, I wanted the prestige that came with such a degree. Finally announcing to my family and friends that I would be moving to Athens Georgia in just three short months, I was committed.

August 15, 2011: I had literally attended one class and was so sick with dread I didn't know what to do. This one course would single-handedly be more difficult then any full semester I had spent in my undergrad. Immediately after leaving the class I picked up where I left off on all the insecurities I had tried to hide from myself about whether or not this was truly what I should be doing.

My whole life I knew that I would go to graduate school. I wanted that feeling of academic success. I scoffed at people who didn't go to college right out of high school. How could anyone not put in the mere four years that were required for a "guaranteed" better life? As a psychology major for my undergraduate degree, it was almost expected that students would go on to attend graduate school. Everything was conveyed in the "when you're in graduate school" way that you're brainwashed before you even know what hits you... more on that later.

Despite all of that, my mind was truly made up after that one class. I didn't belong here. I didn't allow myself to gain enough life experience before pouring everything into this heart and soul. And most importantly, I didn't have the kind of passion that sits in your head and motivates you to commandeer through anything to get what you want. I wanted the degree. Nothing else.

I have so much to say on this topic. I am a thinker and I never (with one blaring exception) make rash decisions. I have decided to start this blog in an effort to get my thoughts and experiences down in writing. Where it goes from there, I guess we will see. There is much, much more to come.