Why Blogging?

Sitting here (at work) thinking about my life brings up an unbelievable plethora of emotions. Why? Because exactly a week ago I mentally made one of the most life-changing decisions I have encountered to date. What was it? To drop out of graduate school. I use the term "mentally" because as far as I knew the decision hadn't been made yet. It was literally day one of classes and I was going through a state-of-the-art, bonafide freak-out.

Back up seven months. Looking through the mail, like I did every day, I noticed that I had a letter addressed to me from the University of Georgia. Having only applied to the Master of Social Work program barely a month earlier I was sure that this couldn't be a decision letter. Regardless, I curiously ripped it open and was unexpectedly surprised to read the words on the page. Like all college acceptances it began with "Congratulations!" and went on to flatter the reader for their many accomplishments. When I had applied to the University of Georgia it was with some fairly serious reservations. It was a decent distance (1.5 hours) away from home whereas the other programs I had applied to were within commuting distance. It was also the most competitive program by far and I was not exactly a shoe-in with my 3.3 GPA and 1100 on the GRE (hey... I didn't study). I guess the hours and hours of extracurriculars I participated in were paying off. Despite my humbled surprise, I still wasn't sure that I would attend UGA.

It wasn't until April that I made the decision. Damn the little man on my shoulder cautioning me about the negatives of going to UGA, I wanted the prestige that came with such a degree. Finally announcing to my family and friends that I would be moving to Athens Georgia in just three short months, I was committed.

August 15, 2011: I had literally attended one class and was so sick with dread I didn't know what to do. This one course would single-handedly be more difficult then any full semester I had spent in my undergrad. Immediately after leaving the class I picked up where I left off on all the insecurities I had tried to hide from myself about whether or not this was truly what I should be doing.

My whole life I knew that I would go to graduate school. I wanted that feeling of academic success. I scoffed at people who didn't go to college right out of high school. How could anyone not put in the mere four years that were required for a "guaranteed" better life? As a psychology major for my undergraduate degree, it was almost expected that students would go on to attend graduate school. Everything was conveyed in the "when you're in graduate school" way that you're brainwashed before you even know what hits you... more on that later.

Despite all of that, my mind was truly made up after that one class. I didn't belong here. I didn't allow myself to gain enough life experience before pouring everything into this heart and soul. And most importantly, I didn't have the kind of passion that sits in your head and motivates you to commandeer through anything to get what you want. I wanted the degree. Nothing else.

I have so much to say on this topic. I am a thinker and I never (with one blaring exception) make rash decisions. I have decided to start this blog in an effort to get my thoughts and experiences down in writing. Where it goes from there, I guess we will see. There is much, much more to come.